There comes a breaking point in life when the best thing you can possibly do is to let go.The pieces of your heart may be torn or grouped into pain,sadness,betrayal,perhaps regret,into millions of twisted,unexplainable emotions,yet your mind lives.It is always there,wondering how could you hold on so long onto that certain person.In your most vulnerable state,despite that it might seem like you are absolutely powerless,you have the strength within yourself to allow your mind to take charge and clean up the absolute mess your heart, once again,managed to create,without your knowledge or consent.It could look like the easiest thing to do,to switch from irrationality to rationality,like it’s just an ordinary command on your remote,but the amount of emotional damage is so much stronger,screaming internally at you to just let go.Let go of everything that had taken away your substance as a human being,that had made you feel unworthy,unloved or less important than you utterly are.Your heart may seem defeated at first,alone,with no further destination,but what honestly matters always conquers.And that is the inner you,hidden in the train of your thoughts and underneath your shadows all along.You may have thought the inner you didn’t even exist anymore because most of us have in our human nature this unbelievably big amount of love that easily reaches the love we have for ourselves.We can’t help it sometimes,but I pretty much think we could balance the two of them.
You see,we have a tendency of loving either too little or too hard.I guess we are ‘all or nothing’ sort of humans.We want to receive love so deeply,we yearn for it all our lives,look for it in every spot,yet we don’t want or know how to give it back,when it is up to us to put our heart out in the open.At least not to the same person that is loving us.That happens a lot,either because we are scared or just plain idiots.But,hey,love cannot be explained,it is only felt.It is totally fair to love whoever you feel on the inside.
On the other hand,it happens that our love towards someone to be deeper than all the oceans on this Earth and damn crazier than any other fairytale we’ve ever read.I call it the ‘destructive love’ because its core is so unreachable that we get to damage ourselves on the way.In that case,we are absorbed,compelled even,to that love that is fulfilling us emotionally,psyhically and mentally.This kind of love is greater than anything.It holds no limits whatsoever.However,on this unpredictable road,our inner selves are easily forgotten at times,bit by bit,until they managed to dissapear from our daily thoughts at all.That is,I must say,the scariest love of all.That is what makes the whole “letting go” of themselves and “holding on” onto ourselves the hardest to accomplish and put into practice.Here is the turning point,where your authentic self needs to step up and to hold on onto it,while your heart tries desperately to give yet another useless chance.It is a constant battle,whose result always needs to end up with you.
I firmly consider that no love should be greater or scarier than the love we need to have for ourselves.Not to be narcissistic or delirious,but we are all we have got here.For real.Everyone flies throughout our lives,just like passing birds on the sky going to an always better and warmer place.Or like different pieces of gold,but which turn up to be made from the same metal in the end.That is how it is and you can do nothing about it but learn to love you the most.Not in the way of believing that everything is yours to deserve,but in the raw manner of knowing that you deserve the world if you put up a fight for it.
I am aware it may not seem this way,but most of the time we are purely options to those who we strongly consider a priority in our lives.It may also take time to notice,but doors are swinging open and close all the time.Nevertheless,the one door which stays still through thin and thick,through sunshine and thunder,through black and white,through happiness and unbearable pain,is you.
No one should have the right to own you by the love you are wholeheartedly feeling for them.
No one should ever lose themselves in the process of having somebody else.
No living soul should ever forget to love themselves in the process of loving someone else.
Not even you.